That's A Lie!
by Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma
Summary: A series of outrageous untruths formed by people jumping to the wrong conclusions and under estimating the power of rational, logical thinking. Were Yuki and Kyo REALLY doing it? Did Haru REALLY kill Rin? Will YOU fall prey to these people's presumtions?
1. Oooh, Kyo!

**A/N:**

**FOR THE STORY TO MAKE ANY SENSE, YOU REALLY SHOULD READ THIS SHORT AUTHORS NOTE! **

**"That's A Lie!" is a series of outrageous untruths formed by people jumping to the wrong conclusions and under estimating the power of logic. **

**So, will YOU fall pray to presumptions? **

It was a normal, Saturday afternoon in Shigure's house, as always (lie). Nothing unusual had happened in the past week, except a rapid weather change between Wednesday and Friday (lie). Seeing as it was a Saturday, Tohru took it upon herself to do the shopping (truth) while Shigure was downstairs reading an educational (lie)... children's (lie)... pornographic (truth) magazine, yet, absolutely nothing else was happening (lie).

"My, my," Shigure placed down his magazine and glanced towards the stairs, not really talking to anyone at all. "What could that sound be?"

He stood and tip-toed (lie), scampered at top speed towards the sound, the sound he could recognize from a mile (lie), a thousand miles away; the sound of a moan.

"Kyo! Kyo!" Shigure snickered as he heard the gasping sound escaping past none other than Yuki's lips. It was as clear as crystal what was going on in that bedroom and the Dog took it upon himself to show the world that the disgruntled Cat and the easily agitated Rat could most _definitely _get along.

"Oooooh, Geez… Can't you do this any faster?!" Kyo managed to groan and hurried grunts could be heard. There was a short silence.

"It's not working! It won't come out!" The Rat shouted as the grunting stopped. "Hang on, I'll try another approach!"

"YUKI! Shit, shit, shit… Yuki!" Was the loud reply the Rat received. Kyo, as it seemed, was hurting, which was more than evident thanks to his crude profanity. Whatever Yuki had tried most certainly was working.

_'A pained moan? Who knew Yuki was so kinky! And to think… well, as if the Cat would top… he can barely shove Yuki down, let alone mount him from behind!'_ Shigure's toothy grin was spreading from ear to ear at this point; he simply couldn't contain himself any longer! _'I must fetch my video camera, for the love of all things holy and sexual! I'll make thousands with this! I'll put it on the internet, oh yes, under the title of "_Sexually Frustrated Cousins Relieve Themselves With Each Other_"… I'm gonna be rich…' _

It was almost too much for the Dog as he rushed down the halls at top speed to his study, fetching (no pun intended) the video camera mentioned previously. But, as fate would have it, the camera was nowhere to be seen.

_'Oh no, dear Lord, why now? WHY NOW!?' _Shigure began to throw random books and items of sexual interest around the room, searching desperately. _'Maybe I'll just take photos? It could work!' _

Grasping his mobile phone within his fingers, he scurried back, but little sound was to be heard now. He didn't dare crack the door open, but instead, pressed his ear to the door again.

"You filthy bastard…" There was no doubt that that was Kyo. "Couldn't you have done it any quicker? Damn, it hurts everywhere…"

"It's not _my_ fault _you_ got stuck," Yuki spat in reply and Shigure bit his tongue to stop from laughing and/or bursting in there. "And it serves you right; it hurt me too, you know."

"I don't give a damn." Kyo muttered and footsteps followed. _'Wait… footsteps? Oh crap! He's coming and I'm standing outside the door!' _

The Dog attempted to bolt, run, flee for his life, but it seemed that once again, fate was not on his side. In fact, not only did he manage to catch _none_ of this sexy occasion on camera (no one would believe him, otherwise) but he was also frozen. The door in front of his face slid open, and he was greeted with a sweaty Kyo who was limping slightly.

Miles away, Tohru swore she heard someone yelling, 'SHIGURE!' at the top of their lungs. Shrugging it off, she stared at the two cans in her hand.

_'I wonder what they'd prefer more in the fruit salad… diced peaches or cubed pears?' _

**A/N: **

**"That's A Lie!" chapter two is going to be released by Thursday. **

**I hope you enjoyed this. **

**(grin)**


	2. Murder, Cried Tohru

**A/N: **

**This chapter has a lot of broken sections and a lot of talking.**

**It also introduces the second 'burning question', "Did Haru REALLY Kill Rin?"**

**WARNING: Kyo swears a bit. **

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing!?" In a fit of rage, Kyo Sohma is the least likely person to bottle it up, release it twenty years later and take it out on an unsuspecting granny who just received a letter from her son who lives in Paris. No, he's more likely to do that now, plus bash the shit out of anyone standing in his way. Except Yuki. Oh yeah, Yuki's the one who puts Kyo in his place.

_'I wonder if Yuki puts Kyo in his place in the kinky sense,' _Shigure pondered at a highly inappropriate time. _'I probably should be thinking about how my face is about to be punched but, hey. I can do that in the hospital.'_

"Huh? Why the hell are you standing out here like an idiot without any brains?" In a fit of rage, Kyo Sohma isn't very good at thinking up worth-saying insults. The first thing that comes to his mind is probably something he heard a pre-schooler say.

"What's Shigure doing?" Yuki, at this point, decided he'd also like to be apart of the action. Shigure would _(should)_ have looked into Kyo's bedroom at this point, had he not been daydreaming like... like... an idiot without any brains.

"Being an idiot!" Kyo repeated, gesturing towards the grinning Dog. Yuki rolled his eyes.

"Why are you standing out here? Do you find something amusing about-" he paused, realisation hitting him. If Shigure had been out there this _whole_ time then-!

"It wasn't what it sounded like!" Yuki burst out, a dramatic change from his usually calm demeanor. Shoving Kyo out of the doorframe, he began shaking Shigure by the shoulders. "Seriously, Shigure, don't get all presumptuous!"

"Oh Yuki, Yuki, Yuki..." Shigure chuckled, a hint of glee slung itself across his facial features. "Yuki, Yuki, Yuki... Yuki... Yuki, Yuki... and Kyo, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes looooove!"

"WHAT!?" The Cat, who had previously been delirious, suddenly became aware of the thoughts on his perverted cousins mind. "STOP SAYING THAT! WE DIDN'T-!"

"Then comes marriage!"

"WHY WOULD I EVEN WANT TO _LOOK_ AT THIS IDIOT?!"

"Y-YEAH! LIKE I WOULD WANT YOU TO LOOK OR TOUCH ME AT ALL! THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

"Then comes Yuki with a baby carriage!"

"SHIGURE, STOP BEING AN IDIOT!"

"DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU FROM HERE TO ALABAMA!"

_'Ahh...' _Shigure sighed mentally, the smirk on his face growing so wide, he was sure his mouth would fall off at any minute. _'Young lovers in complete denial... as if Kyo's limp wasn't enough evidence of their sexual extravaganza, then they start stuttering and spluttering. Oh, it really is too much for this old heart of mine! I must phone Aya immediately!'_

"I know you're loving my company, _lover-boys,_ but I really _do_ have some _very_ important business to take care of." With that, Shigure lifted his yukata slightly and ran for it; best go now, before Kyo could grew the mental capacity to remember who and why he was punching.

.xxx.

"Damn, this isn't good." Yuki sat cross-legged on Kyo's bedroom floor, where the scattered items of clothing and books lay strewn around him.

"You can say that again," the orange-haired teen replied, rolling onto his stomach. "Shigure is so stupid. It wasn't like that at all."

"I know. Only the fan girls at school believe in things like _yaoi_ and _boy sex_ and, and..." he paused, trying to think of anything else he could recall Prince Yuki Fan Club members muttering as he walked passed them on a daily basis. "Well, you get the point."

"He better not tell anyone else his shit," Kyo grumbled. "Or we'll be in shit ourselves. I can't believe... that idiot!" He sat up violently, kicking a stray book across the room. "This is so _retarded_!"

"Now, now, Kyo." Yuki smirked ever-so-slightly, enjoying riling the Cat up. "It's not nice to demean people like yourself."

"Hey, I don't have anything against... wait... HEY! SHUT UP!" Sigh... Kyo, when will you learn?

_'This is so stupid... stupid, stupid... how could a person be so stupid... hmm, I wonder what Tohru's doing. I hope he gets some cubed pears. Dammit, if she comes home with that diced peach shit again, I swear I'm gonna...' _

The boys sat in silence, a chilling breeze coming in from the patio of Kyo's room.

_'This is so stupid... almost as stupid as that stupid Cat... hmm, I wonder what Shigure's doing. He said he had "important business", but knowing him, he's probably on the phone right now telling every Sohma about...'_

Suddenly, Yuki stood and rushed to the door.

"Yuki, what-?"

"A thought just occurred," Yuki said, turning back slightly and giving his cousin a 'come-with-me' glance. "What do you think Shigure is doing right now?"

.xxx.

"Oh, Aya, it was a _truly_ wonderful sight!" Shigure bragged down the phone line, the cord twisted between his fingers. He was relaxing on the sofa chair in his study room, feet upon a stack of books and magazines.

"Surely, it couldn't have been as wonderful as us when we take the liberty of shouting our love in the highest optic?" His white-haired friend sighed, slightly dreamily. "Did you get it on film?"

"I wish! But what I saw, oh, it was beautiful. I never knew Yuki was so... 'gifted' in the lower regions! Just like his brother!" The pair chuckled, remembering _good times._

"Tell me, 'Gure dear..." Ayame twirled a thread of hair between his fingers. In the background, Shigure could hear him telling Mine something to do with 'shaking her money maker'. "Who topped?"

"Yuki, of course."

"Oh, really?"

"You sound disappointed, Aya dear."

"Well..." Ayame thought for a moment. "I always thought of Kyonichi to be... dominant when he was in the mood! Haven't you ever seen the crazy look he gets in his eyes sometimes? Growl!"

"Gasp!" Shigure gasped. "Does someone have a crush on a certain Meow Mix eating kitten?"

"If you're talking about my pet Snuggle-Wuffins, then no." An awkward silence followed.

"W-Well! Just letting you know of the news! Wedding bells are ringing in favour of Kyonichi and Yun-Yun!"

"Oooh, what a glorious day, it shall be!" Aya's eyes filled with tears. "Goodbye, 'Gure! I must tell everyone I see the news!"

"Until we meet again, beloved." Shigure smiled into the phone's receiver before hanging up, a smug look on his face.

_'My work here is done.'_

.xxx.

"It's locked," Yuki stated loudly over the hysteria on the other side of the door. "He's on the phone to Ayame."

"Holy shit, that stupid Snake!? He'll tell _everyone _he sees!" The infuriated Cat kicked the door, rattling it slightly.

MEANWHILE!

"Hello, is this Ayame? I'm here to place an order on behalf of my wife... she'd like a bunny costume-"

"Oh, good news, valued customer! My brother is marrying the man of his dreams, Kyonichi! Spread the word!"

"..."

BACK TO KYO AND YUKI!

"This is _really_ bad." Yuki kindly reminded them both of the horrible situation they were stuck in. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Aside from punch that Dog to Alabama?" Kyo shrugged. "We could try and explain what really happened. Not that the idiot would listen."

"I thought the saying was Albuquerque."

"I didn't know that was a real place."

"You wouldn't, because you don't pay attention to American history class." Kyo muttered something under his breath as Yuki won yet another 'battle', if you could call it that. "Kyo, that might be the smartest thing you've ever said."

"The punching part, or the explaining part?"

"Let's explain it to him and if he doesn't believe it, we can at least punch him out the window."

.xxx.

_'Standing at this check-out sure is boring,' _Tohru rubbed her temples, trying to think positive. _'On the bright side, this could be a sign. Maybe, because of this wait, I will encounter something nice outside! Wouldn't that be wonderful...'_

Due to her scatter-brain habits and space-cadet status, Tohru Honda didn't realise someone was calling to her from a mere two feet away.

"Ma'me! Hello, ma'me! Look, I can't stand here all day!" It was the shop assistant; it was finally her turn to be served. "If you don't wake up, I'll serve someone else!"

"Ehhh!? Wh-What!? Oh, I f-forgot I was here!" Tohru began to shake as she placed her items on to the ledge. She smiled. "Sorry."

"Whatever, I don't have time for this." He began to scan her items, the most important, a can of cubed pears. Tohru let her mind wander away from the robotic beep and to outside, where the wind was blowing a paper bag around the street.

_'Hm... almost artsy, huh?' _she asked no one in particular. Suddenly, her eyes caught a glimpse of black and white. _'Haru?'_

Forgetting her shopping, she dropped a few coins on the counter and began to walk towards the doors, ignoring the fact people were shouting at her to collect her shopping, or risk it being taken by someone else.

"Haru... what are you doing standing in the wind like this?" She came up behind him, smiling. He turned, not the least bit surprised to see her. Although, she was surprised at what she saw next. It was Haru, all right, there was no doubt about it. But what was that red liquid all on his hands and face and shirt?

"Haru, did you spill something on yourself?" She asked innocently, running her finger across his chest and scooping some up. "It's sticky."

"It's her blood," he said absentmindedly, before continuing down the street. Tohru's eyes grew wide as a thought hit her.

_'R-Rin? HARU KILLED RIN?' _Once again forgetting her shopping, Tohru ran as fast as she could through the gusty streets, her hair billowing behind her. _'I have to warn everyone! Oh mom... I have to! Before he kills again!'_

**A/N:**

**Tohru is such an air-head sometimes.**

**I do feel sorry for Yuki and Kyo, though...**

**Wait, why am I saying that?**

**I'm the one torturing them. (laughs)**


	3. This Story Is Based Around Cubed Pears

**A/N:**

**Oh Em Gee, much?!**

**... Well, not really.**

**It's chapter three.**

**In this chapter, we search deeper into the mystery with Haru and Rin...**

_'Oh dear, oh no, oh God, oh someone, someone help-!' _Tohru began to run in circles, her thoughts buzzing around her mind. Where was she? What was she meant to be doing? And what about the cubed pears? _'Oh no! The shopping!'_

The brunette turned back to the store, panting, before grabbing her bags. Customers stared at her in disbelief as she muttered about a murder and hobbled backwards, the machine-operated door opening and closing behind her with a clank.

_'I always knew Haru was bad tempered at times, but I never knew he was capable of ... m-murder! I mean, he always says he's going to kill people in a fit of rage, but I never thought it'd be something he'd _actually_ do! I don't know who to feel more worried for; Rin or Haru or... maybe Haru is going after Kyo next! He's always claiming he's going to kill him! Oh no! I have to get home! PUMP THOSE LEGS, HONDA! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CAN-- AHHHH!'_

Tohru'd legs went from under her and her ankle rolled in a small hole in the dirt. She had made it as far as the forest surrounding the Sohma property, which was a start. She'd only have to crawl for about half an hour before Shigure's house came into view... ah, who was she kidding? As cans of cuped pears catapulted around her, she curiously wondered if Haru was in the vicinity.

_'So much for being able to do it, Honda.'_ she tsk'd herself. _'You just got owned by yourself!'_

.xxx.

"Oh, th-thank-you... it's much better now... thanks for asking... y-yes, it's alright... bye, bye..." Hiro tapped his foot lightly on the floor as Kisa put the phone down. She smiled, turning to him.

"What'd Haru say?" The Sheep asked, raising an eyebrow; sure, he was yelling at the Cow ten minutes ago, but that doesn't mean that he can't care now. I mean... it's ten minutes later! We all know Hiro's anger-span doesn't last very long. "Did he apologise?"

"He... he said he was sorry at the time, H-Hiro..." Kisa glanced at the floor, feeling guilty that she'd caused both of her male friends to be worried about her AND have them argue. She almost felt like a princess. "Haru was just seeing if... if I was feeling okay with Kagura's... er... uh-w-well..." Kisa began to blush profusley, her hands bundling and covering her face.

"G-Girl items... in my... in my... my n-nose..." she whispered, audible to those standing within a foot of the girl's face. Hiro bit his lip and couldn't help but blush at the sight of Kisa, _Kisa,_ with tampons up her nose. It seemed kind of silly, but Haru (with his unusual logic) decided it'd be the best way to stop a nose bleed.

"I saw it once in a movie," the Cow had explained, "It definately works."

_'Kisa...' _Hiro sweatdropped as Kisa began to poke the swolen tampons lodged in her head. _'If you do that, you'll make it worse... dumb-ass...'_

"Hiro..." he span around on his heels so fast, he almost fell. "Do you... think that... Haru is okay?"

Ugh. One of _those_ questions. "Yeah," the Sheep fumbled with his sweatband. "He's fine. I mean, he was only meant to go to the shop and back; how much trouble can the idiot cause? It's only up the road!"

Not exactly the truest statements; the store (convieniantly, the same one he saw Tohru at...) was five blocks away. Haru can barely walk to the bathroom without getting lost, everyone knows that. Little did the innocent cousins know, foolish Hatsuharu Sohma was causing more trouble than they'd seen in a very long time.

.xxx.

"M-Miss Honda? Oh my gosh, are you alright?!" Yuki flung the door open and his body through it with such tremendous speed, it fell off its hinges. There was Tohru, laying on the ground, bleeding from the knees and the palms of her hands, hair knotted and everywhere, face drowned in tears. "Are you hurt! Stupid question Yuki, look at her! God, what do I do? H-Hatori! Yes! I'll call him! Miss Honda, don't move! Please! Don't move!"

The Rat began to hyperventilate, his hands groping the telephone keys in an attempt to call the family doctor. The noise had of course awoken the curiosity in a certain stupid Cat.

"What's going on down here-- YUKI? HOLY HELL, ARE YOU DYING?!" In a manner best described as frantic, Kyo rushed towards the Rat and... shook him. Well, what else was there to do? "Stupid rodent, talk to me!"

It would have to take an absolute retard not to notice the Rat's current state. He was gesturing madly towards the phone, coughing out words that Kyo didn't seem to understand. He began to shake his cousin again, feeling a sense of panic set in. In one last attempt to allow Yuki's air supply to open back up, Kyo began to slap Yuki's back roughly, shouting at him to 'breathe already, or die'. Despite the Cat's 'help', if you can call it that, Yuki's throat began to close in on itself and he was finding it exceedingly hard to breathe.

"Toh... she... bleeding..." he managed to gurgle, before his legs went limp and he collapsed in Kyo's arms, phone still beeping in his hand.

.xxx.

"You two are _very_ lucky Tohru was able to make it to the phone," Kyo and Yuki glanced at each other murderously; they'd both, in the end, attempted to help the brown-haired girl, only to inflict damage to themselves. "Something serious may have happened."

"Oh! It's nothing to be upset about!" Tohru waved her hand, "I'm just happy to be able to help!" _'If only I could remember what I ran here for...'_ She curiously prodded the bandages lacing her hands and knees.

"You can go home now, Hatori," Yuki glared, "Your services are no longer needed here."

"You're just upset he has photos of you two hugging on the floor!" Shigure snickered from behind them; when did he come into the picture anyway? Who knows.

It was true; after Tohru had decided to disobey Yuki's order and make her way into the house, she had found them both laying on the ground, out cold. Tohru at first had thought they were simply hugging, but her thoughts changed when she noticed Yuki wasn't breathing.

"You two were snuggled up so cutely!" Tohru squealed in a fan-girlish manner. "I had to take a photo too."

In fact, after Yuki had blacked out in Kyo's arms, the Cat also began to freak out. He tried to put his cousin down somewhere, but managed to trip backwards, with a dead weight on top of him. He'd hit his head on the bottom stair.

"Yes, yes! It's a truly heart-warming occasion!" Shigure began to clap, taking snapshots of the annoyed relatives while ranting. "Kyo, you looked just like a little kitten all wrapped around Yuki like that! And this only proves further that you two had relations in the bedroom..." there was an awkward silence.

"Oh, you guys had relatives over?" Tohru asked, smiling. "Who visited? Where they apart of it too?" Everyone in the room sweat-dropped. Tohru truly was an idiot.

Hatori gathered his doctor bag and stood, evading a possibley shameful situation before he was dragged into it. "I'll be taking my leave now," he said, sliding Shigure's paper-thin door (no pun intended) open and stepping out. "Be careful, Tohru. Be safe."

Tohru suddenly flung herself foward with such amazing speeds, she could have been a one-time Olympic sprinter. 'Be safe' had jogged her memory of the past hour or so and she just couldn't contain it anymore. Frantically glacing around, she noticed that Kyo a) was fine and b) staring at her funny. This, of course, was due to the fact she was standing on one leg with her mouth open.

"I suspect you have something to say, Miss Honda?" Yuki raised an eyebrow as Tohru began to wave her arms.

"Haru!" she shouted. "He's a murderer!"

_'What is wrong with this family?' _Hatori swivelled on his heel, deciding it might be best for him to stay for just a little bit longer. _'Haru? Murder? She must have really hit her head hard.'_

As if reading Hatori's mind, Tohru's voice became more shrill as 'panic' set in. "No, really! I went to the store to pick up some cubed pears and I saw him! He had blood on him and he muttered something like, 'it's her blood' and walked away! I was worried he'd come for Kyo next, but Kyo is fine... please believe me! It's true!" tears began to swell behind her eyelids.

"Yeah... we believe you." Kyo rubbed Tohru's back, watching her face as she began to sob. "How could you lie?"

It was then, the authoress realised that this whole story is based around a can of cubed pears.

**A/N:**

**That took me three days to write.**

**If you don't like it, you can just DIE.**

**DIIIIE!**

**... I'm just kidding. (loves all)**


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